Suicide was at the End of my Rainbow: For those with suicidal ideations and suicide attempts

Suicide was at the End of my Rainbow: For those with suicidal ideations and suicide attempts Author Brittany M. Tucker
ISBN-10 1520917104
ISBN-13 9781520917108
Year 2017-03-22
Pages 116
Language English
Publisher Independently published
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August two thousand sixteen Nothing spectacular about this month nothing out of the ordinary But for me Brittany M Tucker it was the beginning of what felt like a hellish joke A seed given directly from Satan I was battling suicidal ideations and even went on to attempt it twice From July to February of the following year I was bent on finding a way to happiness and freedom I was running from doubt hopelessness agitation self hate irritability embarrassment and self loathing I didnt see an end to my troubles or a patch for my wounds All I saw was more failure more sickness more regret and no hope I did not want to live anymore I did not want to smell the sunflowers a final time I didnt want to eat pizza one last time and I surely didnt want to hug my parents one last time I wanted to die I wanted to disappear I wanted to cease to exist This intensely and sometimes inappropriately detailed work follows my path from suicidality to ever changing mood stabilizers and finally contempt I describe my suicide attempts in grave detail my thought process and inward feelings I talk about my sexuality in relation to my mother father and siblings I speak about my affair and how it intertwined with my second suicide attempt I address my life in the military and how every aspect took a toll on my career This work covers a lot of ground and can relate to multiple people in more than one category Gay and Lesbian individuals deal with suicide and family issues as I did Military members endure a different environment of mental health than most civilians Parents who have children whove committed suicide often wonder why they cannot understand how the brain works and why an individual would go as far as to make a permanent solution to a temporary problem Similarly there are teens and young adults who right now are seeking help compassion and understanding Most importantly they are seeking someone with the same background to tell them why they should not do it My memoir is about hearing that voice The beacon that one can listen to and see a light of hope While in alcohol addiction treatment we were forced to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous It was a moving read filled with compassion and understanding I want to invent the same concept for those who struggle with suicide Too many people suffer from this affliction and I want to assist in being a voice of reason because there is hope Someone just has to show it to them

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